BLARRRGHGHGHGHehiwvvjbenbmb (Matisyahu Unplugged)

The part of Matisyahu will be played by French Stewart.

In between not doing homework and not smoking weed, I like to wonder what Matisyahu is up to.  To me, Matisyahu is just one big giant train wreck during a hurricane inside of a snow globe that I can look at forever: A big beardy Jew doing his worst reggae impersonation, only people actually bought his records.  Consider that there is someone you know who probably owns at least one Matisyahu CD, and he probably knows someone who knows all of them.  Chronicling which of your friends like Matisyahu is like keeping track of your friends who have Chylamydia: You have no idea how it keeps spreading, but it’s never permanently gone.

The Matisyahu infection comes to a head at the University of Colorado, where the reggae rapper will be rocking the co-eds with a special acoustic concert sometime soon.  From Colorado Daily:

The $1 student tickets for Matisyahu’s “unplugged” performance on the University of Colorado campus Wednesday nightsold out in a flash.

One dollar.  That’s right; it’s cheaper to see Matisyahu than it is to get a blowjob from a diseased hooker.  It’s the cheapest STD there is!

“I leave my expectations at the door — and usually something very interesting happens. A show like this gets rid of stereotypes people might have about Judaism.”

I wonder what Jewish stereotypes Matisyahu helps to dispel.  That Jews are clean?  Easy to listen to?  Are really successful?

“Whatever I turn on the radio influences me — and I’ve been listening to bands like Ratatat and Arcade Fire. People will think this is a big change, but change is good.”

I want you to pause for a second and think that somewhere, a bro in need of ideas has read this interview and is now busy at work mashing up “Neighborhood #2″ with “King Without A Crown.”  Then, vomit.