If Scott Stapp Comes A-Knocking, Don’t Start Rocking! Run Away.

June 17th, 2009
Jeremy Gordon

And a happy Hannukah to you too.

Can you take me higher, Scott Stapp?

Creed is reuniting this summer. I presume that your genitals have exploded after reading that sentence, and will give you a moment to clean up. I was thinking of going to the concert to conduct some research, but like my idea to go to the 2009 Gathering of the Juggalos, I realized it was too much time and money spent to, let’s be honest, troll some dorks. There’s a lot I would like to learn from a 2009 fan of Creed, though – for example, how can they reconcile Scott Stapp’s alcoholism with his love of Christ? Do they prefer the imagery in “My Sacrifice” or “Higher”? Do they consider Alter Bridge to be a post-Stapp project on par with Van Hagar? I’m almost choking on my liberal rockist affectations and wishing I could click the voice recorder on right now!!!

Tickets start at $25 for parking lot seats and run to $90 for so-close-you’ll-lick-Scott-Stapp’s-forehead-sweat spots, and at that I’m a little appalled. The guys in Creed have to realize that anyone seeing them in the 21st century really has to be a huge fucking Creed fan – honest folk looking for an honest rock concert. How $100 after Ticketmaster fees is justified for that I will never know. I mean, just look at what one North Carolinean fan, “tjardon,” says on the Live Nation website:

I have seen Creed 4 times! Every show was unbelievable! They sound even better live! I can relate to their music and 1 CD got me through one of the toughest times of my life! I even got a Creed tattoo! I would recommend seeing them at least once live…you will want more…trust me!!!

If you are Scott Stapp, this kind of dude is the only person you have left. No one else will have your back; not even the bassist with the power goatee and certainly not P-Nut from 311. So why would you make this guy empty his entire wallet just to hear your voice? Anyone who is going to the blink-182 concert obviously has a ton of money to blow (I for one may be road tripping to St. Louis just to see them with Weezer, because I literally have nothing better to do) but Creed fans are older. They have more shit to worry about. Scott Stapp’s 2009 income is coming from the ghosts of missed car payments and torn socks incapable of being replaced.

I don’t have a punchline to end on because the situation makes me sick. How can you sleep, Scott Stapp? How can you spit in the face of all your fans? Would Joe Strummer charge $100 for a concert ticket? You are grinding your heel in the spine of the working man.


2 Responses to 'If Scott Stapp Comes A-Knocking, Don’t Start Rocking! Run Away.'

  1. Brit_and_Steve says:

    Dude, what are you talking about!!?? My husband and I have been wanting Creed to get back together for a very long time and I hate to tell ya, but $100 really isn’t bad for a-so-close-to-the-stage-i-could-lick-scott’s-balls……….Now I will give ya credit, that picture you have up there is pretty frightnening, but there really isn’t anything wrong with Scott or the rest of Creed

    11/04/09 at 7:10 pm
  2. Mike T says:

    Hello Scott,
    I wanted to see if you would send me a picture of your Tatoo on your left arm. I do not want to copy it, but I do want my kids on the Tatoos. Nmae, Date, Last name, ect.
    Can you or someone help me out?
    Thanks,
    Mike T.

    06/21/10 at 9:02 pm

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