A Guide To Spanish Film (And Possibly Pleasing Gwyneth)

Gwyneth loves Spanish tradition! Especially a hearty vegan, gluten-free, macrobiotic paella.

In light of Gwyneth Paltrow’s outpouring of adoration for Spanish culture, I ventured into my local video store (HAHA local video stores) to peruse the Spanish film section. Feeling dwarfed by the multitude of titles and words with accents, I didn’t even know where to begin! It seems she hasn’t done much in the way of making such high culture accessible to the masses, as Gwyneth is wont to do. Oh, Gwyneth, democratic principles needn’t be a bother to you.

Though we can’t possibly possess her level of sophistication when it comes to foreign language, that shouldn’t mean we’re left out of the loop on her tastes. We can do more to include ourselves in her world than just purchasing her favorite Japanese socks for $16 a pair. Accordingly, I’ve created a helpful Guide To Spanish Film by providing the titles first in Spanish and then translated into English. Enrich your minds!

* * *

AMORES PERROS

English Translation: Must Love Dogs

* * *

Y TU MAMA TAMBIEN

English Translation: Your Mother, Trebek

* * *

LA ESPINOZA DEL DIABLO

English Translation: Spinach Devils

* * *

AMOR DE HOMBRE

English Translation: Gay Dudes

* * *

VOLVER

English Translation: The Volver Report with Stephen Volver

* * *

NO TE FALLARE

English Translation: I Won’t Fellate You

* * *

GUERRERO

English Translation: Gwar (Live Tour DVD)

* * *

LOS ANOS BARBAROS

English Translation: The Anus Barbers

* * *

Hopefully this list will make your first foray into Spanish film a more palatable experience and lend us all the means through which to “nourish the inner aspect.” Yes, consider this the first step on the path of knowledgeability that leads to the sacred land of Gwyneth. Three cheers, mates.