A disclaimer: I originally wrote this essay as part of a creative nonfiction class, working from David Foster Wallace’s incredible Consider the Lobster and its predecessor, M.F.K. Fisher’s Consider the Oyster. I’m perfectly aware I don’t so much as touch their masterworks and that this has turned into a creature of its own. I’m also aware that neither footnotes nor writing of this length are friendly to deal with on this here blog. I won’t be hurt if you wave the flag of TL;DR and go running back to the comforting embraces of infographics and Facebook personality quizzes, but for those of you who muscle through it: thank you! I hope you goddamn love it. Read More →
Oh, this crowd. My roommate and I are here because she called into the radio station and won tickets, and now to my right is a girl who has taken her shirt off, wearing just a leopard print push-up bra and jeans. This is what we won. Read More →
I didn’t watch the Michael Jackson memorial because I was being a working person doing work at the time of its bajillion-channel broadcast (I still love you, liveblogs.) Regardless of business hours, the strong-willed and sensible among us Read More →
In light of Gwyneth Paltrow’s outpouring of adoration for Spanish culture, I ventured into my local video store (HAHA local video stores) to peruse the Spanish film section. Feeling dwarfed by the multitude of titles and words with accents, I didn’t even know where to begin! It seems she hasn’t done much in the way of making such high culture accessible to the masses, as Gwyneth is wont to do. Oh, Gwyneth, Read More →
I stepped into a crowded subway car around ten this morning to see that a long stretch of seats was occupied by a urine-drenched person with his head in a box. People love to do the farmer fist gesture and say “Only in New York!” about things like this but let’s acknowledge that this is a rare and sad morning sight, not just a souvenir in story form. Read More →
DISCLAIMER: This is my LiveJournal. OK cool, so.
I spent almost my entire nineteenth birthday in the bathtub experiencing the First Great Meltdown of my adultish life. I’ve selectively forgotten what that was all about, but I need not invent any metaphors to illustrate the fact that I was soaking in lukewarm meta-pity. Read More →
The eclipse of the mind and the heart that occurs when one comes across Extra Long Twizzlers for the first time.
It’s summer, and chances are your routine is changing a little bit. It’s supposed to be the happiest season of the year, but maybe you feel inexplicably bogged down with stuff. Sometimes it’s hard to figure out exactly what’s doing it, so to aid you in your summery transition I’ve made a To Do list. Get going on it, results guaranteed or your money back! (Ed. note: invisible money has, in fact, exchanged hands.) Read More →
It's a Wednesday night and I'm on a thirty minute bike ride so I can go play some videogames in ...
(photo via) A disclaimer: I originally wrote this essay as part of a creative nonfiction class, working from David Foster Wallace's ...
These are some jams I liked a lot in 2009 and why. They are pretty typical and I am boring, but with respect blow me.
Oh, this crowd. My roommate and I are here because she called into the radio station and won tickets, and ...