Oh, this crowd. My roommate and I are here because she called into the radio station and won tickets, and now to my right is a girl who has taken her shirt off, wearing just a leopard print push-up bra and jeans. This is what we won. Read More →

Some heroes look like Cary Grant. Mine looks like this.

I. I think I’ve just seen my hero walk past me in a Barnes & Noble. He is almost middle-aged, wearing a ferocious beard with square-rimmed glasses, a white t-shirt Read More →

I am so sorry.

I stepped into a crowded subway car around ten this morning to see that a long stretch of seats was occupied by a urine-drenched person with his head in a box. People love to do the farmer fist gesture and say “Only in New York!” about things like this but let’s acknowledge that this is a rare and sad morning sight, not just a souvenir in story form. Read More →

The realest dude, gold lamé and all.

Michael Jackson is dead but I am not. This should be enough to make me happy about life, and I am. But plenty of people are not happy about life in the week following Read More →

DISCLAIMER: This is my LiveJournal. OK cool, so.

Blog poets society

I spent almost my entire nineteenth birthday in the bathtub experiencing the First Great Meltdown of my adultish life. I’ve selectively forgotten what that was all about, but I need not invent any metaphors to illustrate the fact that I was soaking in lukewarm meta-pity. Read More →

The eclipse of the mind and the heart that occurs when one comes across Extra Long Twizzlers for the first time.

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100% real To Do list

It’s summer, and chances are your routine is changing a little bit. It’s supposed to be the happiest season of the year, but maybe you feel inexplicably bogged down with stuff. Sometimes it’s hard to figure out exactly what’s doing it, so to aid you in your summery transition I’ve made a To Do list. Get going on it, results guaranteed or your money back! (Ed. note: invisible money has, in fact, exchanged hands.) Read More →

This is the future of communication.

I’ve been working at a Chicago comic book store for the last five years which has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life, getting to hang out with mostly-interesting people talking about nerd shit 24/7 and serving a mostly-cool clientele that constantly reminds me one thing: In the real world, no one cares how smart you try to be. Read More →