The eclipse of the mind and the heart that occurs when one comes across Extra Long Twizzlers for the first time.

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MEOW?

I don’t know if “the jig is up” is even an appropriate phrase to use here, it’s kind of one of those Jason Stathamisms I end up barfing out at all the wrong moments, but WHATEVER, it’s fucking happening:

Shoemaker Crocs widened its loss in the first quarter, sending shares plunging more than 20% in after-market trading.

During the quarter, the company recorded a loss of $22.4 million, or 27 cents a share. Read More →

Do something stupid: Listen to this bullshit.

A spectre is haunting the American consciousness – the spectre of Asher Roth. Read More →

THE WOZ gettin' Wozzy on a bitch

I may have been all huffy about teen/tween trends, but now I am a changed woman (sort of) and my sarcasm has washed away (sort of!) As it turns out, we don’t all have to live a lonely, awkwardly clueless life on planet Miley Cyrus — not when there’s this season of Dancing With the Stars.  Read More →

As our first Taintbrush original video, we felt compelled to feature the smugface, the signature face of people who are smug as fuck.  Consider it a practical instructional video for those of us who are not naturally complacent and offensively self-satisfied all the time. Read More →

What is it that makes these shoes so special, so intricate, so Wu-Tang?  I sat in on the board meeting to develop and market these sneakers back in 1999 when they were released, and the pitch was so persuasive Don Draper would’ve rolled himself into a giant blunt wrap and had himself express delivered to the Rza.  Read More →

So you’ve been drinking for like, TWO HOURS.  You’ve got a burning itch (not the burning itch) and you know it’s time to text a loved one, or maybe a former loved one if you’re desperately horny, or maybe Paul Janka if you’re feeling date-rape-victim-y. Read More →

What with y’all groanin’ about the economy so loud I can hear you from here in my dorm room writing chamber, it’s time I let you in on a little something.

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